“There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.” Robert Evans
Three Sides to Every Story
It’s not just he said, she said in family law. There is also the truth, which no one will ever know. Certainly not the Judge.
Personal relationships are a funny thing. They’re private and impractical to litigate in Court. Love and hate don’t belong in Court.
If I am your divorce lawyer, understand that I believe you. You are telling the truth.
But there are three sides. Memories shared serve each differently. I know you probably hate your spouse right now. And you probably want me to. But it won’t serve you any good if I hate your spouse. You should never hire a lawyer who hates your spouse more than you.
Your Day in Court
You want to be heard. I understand that. But I promise you it won’t happen in Court. Judges are not in the punishment or revenge business. Different judges have different biases and views on breastfeeding, alimony, and cheating. Maybe a judge who cheated on his wife will side with your cheating husband. Will a working female judge who was a single mom side with a stay at home mom? In Court, you are just a number, and your divorce is processed like any other court case – slow and impersonally.
No Victims in Family Law
In civil law, the stranger who hit your car will never see you again. You don’t know her or her insurance company.
In criminal law, the stranger who murdered your family member deserves prison time and worse. You will never see him again.
But in family law, the other side is someone you once knew and chose to be with. You were once intimate with the other side, and if you have children together, there is no way you can cut the other side out without hurting your child.
As such, there is personal responsibility and choice involved. You are not a victim. Nobody is blaming you for these choices. Everyone makes mistakes. Find a lawyer who allows you to move on, not someone who enables bad choices.
There are always three sides to every divorce story.
The Whole Is Greater Than the Sum of Its Parts
“They say the whole is greater
Than the sum of the parts it’s made of
Well if it’s true of anything
It’s true of love” Pippin
In family law, you are starting out with less than half. Because the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, money won’t compensate you. It’s never just about the money in Divorce.
Most clients aren’t choosing a lawyer to “net them as much as possible”. It’s not the desire to be rich that drag these cases on for several years. It’s the desire to be whole again. Remember no lawyer can make you whole. The choice to move on is within you; only you can decide when your case will end. A skilled and caring family lawyer will educate you on law and give you best and worst case scenarios. They will empathize without enabling destruction.
Mediation Is Better Way to Handle Family Law Disputes
Unless there are issues of domestic violence, drug/substance abuse, financial/power imbalance, there is not one case in family law that cannot be resolved in mediation. And if you want to tell your story, the only place to do it is Divorce Mediation.
If you want certainty and control over your case, healing and moving forward, you will learn about mediation and give it a try. If you are on board, but your spouse needs time, give them time. Are they skeptical about mediation? Read this article.
There are Three Sides to Every Divorce Story
There are always three sides to every divorce story. Remember you are not a victim and you want to be heard, and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Unless you want other people (lawyers, judges, forensics) to take control of your story, you have the power to make decisions. If mediation is not an option, choose a lawyer who will empathize without enabling destruction.