Choose Divorce Mediation, NOT Litigation: Certainty, Healing, Forward
I am hoping that you unreasonable angry people out there read my post. Mediation only works if two people can calm down enough and AGREE that mediation can work for them instead of litigation. Usually, mediation is NOT possible because one spouse is not wanting life to be easy on the other.
Stop punishing yourself.
Litigation is traditional court warfare. It is fun for lawyers who like arguing, and that’s it. For the rest of us, it is high stress, high conflict and the risk of losing everything is great. (Even if you win the issue at hand, you are, at the very least, losing a LOT of legal fees, because lawyers in this town ain’t cheap). Agreeing to mediate does not mean you are agreeing to “make it easier on them”. YOU have everything to gain from NOT litigating. In fact, if you have been WRONGED, it makes even MORE sense to mediate, because in mediation, you can ask for MORE than what the law would grant you in Court. After 20 years of litigation, I can tell you – cheating spouses DO feel bad. Lying spouses also feel bad. And from experience, a spouse who FEELS bad and wants to to feel better will pay you MORE than a spouse who was ORDERED to pay you. STOP FIGHTING.
Stop living in the dark.
Step into the light. Many litigants in high-conflict, drawn-out divorces don’t even know what they’re fighting for anymore. Is it custody? The vacation house? Garage door opener? Is the sky blue? Who is right? Who cares? If you’ve been litigating for longer than 2-3 years, even if YOU are the one litigating, at some point, You. Get. Tired. (No one is more tired than this gal writing). Don’t believe me? Ask this couple what they’re fighting for. Divorce From Hell: Battle for Alimony and Emptied Pockets STOP FIGHTING. Step into the light, the CERTAINTY. Even if you reach a terribly unfair, awful settlement agreement, in my opinion, that is CERTAINTY. You can RECOVER from forking over too much money. You can move on. Your children can move on. STOP FIGHTING.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Death isn’t the end. There’s litigation over the estate”. What’s worse than divorce? A divorce that lasts 2, 3, 10 years. At some point, you gotta yank that band aid off, and HEAL. Litigation is constantly picking at the scab. STOP FIGHTING.
Forward, not Backward.
When you’re going through hell, JUST KEEP GOING. Life is about MOVING ON. MOVING FORWARD. STOP FIGHTING.
Mediation is better for families.
I know you hate his guts now. You hate her guts!! You want her to PAY!!! REVENGE!!!!! Going to Court is revenge for YOU. And you won’t get it. Because the Courts do NOT award revenge. Your divorce and custody case isn’t against random strangers that hit-and-run and injured you. It’s personal – against your EX. Unfortunately, you WILL see them again. You want them out of your life completely but you cannot because if you have children, you will see each other again. So, get the F over yourself and go seek counseling. Take up boxing. Scream. Rant, rave. But do NOT litigate. STOP FIGHTING.
Divorce lawyers don’t really care if you mediate or litigate. In fact, they earn more money from litigating. Personally, I think it’s pretty silly that people pay me $500/hour to argue over when they should spend time with the kids. Back in 2008, $500 could buy you 2 shares of Amazon stock, which would be worth $5,000 now. Not that I think divorce attorneys aren’t worth it. WE SURE ARE WORTH EVERY DIME! For all the grief and bullshit we put up with, we should be charging $5 million pounds per minute.
But, you don’t have to keep forking over shit, and then you don’t have to keep paying us.
Stop fighting. Give MEDIATION a try. You and your spouse could absolutely hate each other, and not even be talking. But, as long as you BOTH agree to meet with me, and trust me, I can get to working on your case.
Mediation is NOT appropriate if there is:
- Hidden assets
- Unequal bargaining power
- Complete lack of knowledge
- Complete lack of compromise
- Hidden Agendas
The rest of the time, MEDIATION wins, hands down, the best way to resolve your divorce case. Choose Divorce Mediation, Not Litigation!