Most working marriages were once well-oiled machines, working at peak production to raise children, amass assets and create memories.
The breakdown of this perfect system impacts everyone in it – especially the children.
Divorce: Restructure, NOT Destruction
The most successful way to approach divorce is through restructure, NOT further destruction.
Divorce lawyers need to do a better job to dispel the public’s obsession with divorce as punishment.
If you are going through a divorce, hire a lawyer who cares about your family and knows the LAW.
When you have children with someone and then the family unit breaks up, the children are the only thing Courts care about. The Courts primary concern is making sure the child doesn’t lose a parent. ALL judges want you to work out your own parenting plan. They are STRANGERS on the outside – they don’t know anything about your family and they don’t want to be forced to make a decision about your children.
Stop viewing divorce as DESTROYING the other side. This is not only unhealthy, but legally incorrect.
Judges discourage fighting. If you hire an aggressive pitbull seeking unreasonable requests, you will lose.
Laws Discourage Destruction
Fighting for custody? First, learn about it. The law FAVORS joint custody, because they want to protect the children. Just because mommy and daddy hate each other, doesn’t mean that the child has to pick sides.
Just read Family Code 3020: “The Legislature finds and declares that it is the public policy of this state to ensure that children have frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage, or ended their relationship, and to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities of child rearing in order to effect this policy, except when the contact would not be in the best interests of the child…”
If you are going through a divorce or separation, I urge you to make use of the free resources provided by the Courts. They offer free parenting plans, online mediation, and other resources to help you restructure your family.
You Are Not Broken, Just Bent: This Will Pass
Pink said it best, “We’re not broken, just bent.”
Understand that a breakdown of your marriage will temporarily cause you to seek revenge. This is normal, but don’t act upon it.
Recently, a complete stranger confided in me: “The day I found out my husband of 12 years cheated on me, I was not myself. That person was gone.”
Every day, I received hundreds of emails like this one: “I need a divorce lawyer. I need a fricken shark, because my husband is ruthless and will destroy me.”
You may want revenge, and destruction. But it isn’t the goal of the Judge to punish your spouse – that’s not their job. You can hire a divorce lawyer to try and ruin your ex’s life – but think it through. Do they have your best interests in mind? Will further destruction benefit your children? Your Family?
Newton’s Third Law: Action Reaction
There are many strategies to a divorce case. Before you do ANYTHING, you need to think ahead. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Every decision you make will improve or exacerbate the situation you are in. Think it through. Avoid hiring that “pitbull lawyer”.
Focus on Restructure; NOT Destruction
Understand that ongoing scorched-earth litigation can never heal a temporarily broken client.
There is life post-divorce. After the lawyers, forensics, evaluators, and judges get done with the case, the family unit remains. Who you hire in your divorce will have lasting effects on the health of your children.
If you hire a lawyer, hire one that won’t further add to your problems. Explore collaborative divorce – a team of professionals focused on your healing.
Focus on restructuring your family, not destroying your ex.