Disclaimers: At the time I wrote this, I had been a divorce lawyer for over 8 years, and married only for less than 1 year. You can read my original post here, on my other blog.
I am cracking up at how little I knew about marriage!!!! haha. In summary, I had said:
- Before you marry, define marriage with each other. What is marriage? it’s FOREVER. Not temporary, not “for now”, not “until he/she does something horrible”, or “goes broke”. If it’s not your first marriage, understand that statistics show there is more than 75% likelihood of divorce (versus 50% of first marriages). Discuss marriage. Get a prenup – schedule your free consult here!
2. Discuss the tough, nasty topics that people warn you NOT to discuss. Politics, religion, sex, your seedy past, fears, addictions. REVEAL all your skeletons!! They will either accept you, or run. Leo Tolstoy once said, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” So wise.
3. Cherish your status as “eternal lovers, more than friends”. Don’t ever become the dreaded roommate!!! Ever hear this line? “We love each other, but we are not in love anymore”. Ugh. I hate that. Always hug and kiss and have sex. Sexually incompatible? Fix it. Discuss it.
4. Find a higher meaning to life and your marriage, and share with each other. Your spouse should be your ALL. But should never be your ALL. Statistics show Christian couples have the same divorce rate as non-Christians. But – from a personal point of view, it helps to have a solid faith on which to base our marriage. Whether it be Judaism, Muslin, Christian – find a faith. And stick to it. Don’t be so LA about it. Many problems arise in marriage simply because people don’t understand their own views and positions on life. How do you understand someone else if you don’t understand yourself?
5. Rule out divorce as an option. (Murder is ok though).
Above all, remember, marriage is grand! Divorce one hundred grand.