Nothing is more challenging than going through a divorce with a special needs child. Special considerations must be made.
· Which parent has been the primary caregiver since the special need or disability was diagnosed?
· What is the daily schedule of the child? What are the daily schedules of each parent? Will either or both parents will be available for care for the child for all of his/her appointments?
· Are both parents involved in the child’s daily care: therapy, medications, transportation to doctors and appointments, insurance and treatment plans?
· Where will the child live? How will the custody schedule affect the child’s schedule and status quo?
· What do the child’s teachers, doctors, and therapists suggest as to which custody arrangement will be in the child’s best interests?
· If custody is split, is there a backup plan in case of emergency? How will the child get to emergency medical care from the noncustodial parent’s house?
“Best Interests of the child” must be carefully interpreted in your situation.
Welcome to Holland
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!” you say. “What do you mean, Holland?” I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.