Different Perspectives on Divorce: Ying and Yang

Different Perspectives on Divorce: Ying and Yang

We, as individuals, are so forced to picking sides these days.  Liberal/Conservative.  Working/Stay at Home.  Hot/Cold.  Pro-Choice/Pro-Life.  For/Against Divorce.

In this world, we are all but one of the “great unwashed”.  (Off-topic, this is how we were graded in Civil Procedure in law school – we had this marvelous professor who gave us non-decript grades, such as GU (average); TD (Touchdown) – and never told us what the grades meant until the end. )

To avoid the mundane, and to feel like we belong, we often partake in hating the “other side” – whoever is against us.  The problem is, no 2 people are the same, so at some point, you disagree with someone, including your spouse.

But I digress. The point of this essay blog is to let you know that you shouldn’t listen to people who are FOR or AGAINST divorce.  The decision to divorce is uniquely yours – it does not belong to your family, friends, therapist, or divorce lawyer.

Some reasons to divorce:

1. Infidelity.  Obviously, if your spouse is cheating on you, you should leave.  (but not always)
2. Domestic Violence. Not only should you divorce, you need to seek help.
3.  Harming the Kids.  If you and your spouse are engaged in constant battle, and you have explored all alternatives, sometimes divorce is the answer.  Constant unresolved conflict is harmful to kids.

Some reasons not to:

  1.  Grass is greener syndrome.
  2. You’re tired of your spouse.
  3. You’re not attracted to your spouse.
  4. Money.
  5. Lack of intimacy.
  6. Weight Gain
  7. In-laws
  8. Differences in parenting
  9. Infidelity.  I listed this under both bc I do believe that if the cheating spouse is truly deeply sorry and it will not happen again, and with adequate counseling, you can get through it.

Marriage is hard, and made impossible by our exposure to unrealistic tv shows/movies.  (I’m looking at you, Notebook and Ryan Gosling – you have wrecked everyone who’s watched you)  Happily ever after?  Who believes this shit?  I wish they had children’s books which exposed the truth of marriage – long work hours, cleaning up lots of poo, no sleep, different perspectives on sex, menopause!, lack of money due to all of you after-tax money being spent on kids and pets, forgetting anniversaries, birthdays.

Anyway, if you are considering divorce, ask yourself – have I done everything I can to save the marriage?  Are my expectations out of wack?  If you have explored everything, and that is the answer, do not let anyone’s judgmental comments stop you.  They are not living your life and it’s none of their business.

But do remember this – if you treated your spouse like SHIT during the marriage, you are in for a real treat in divorce.  However bad your marriage was, multiply it by 1 billion, and that’s how bad your divorce will be.

 


Continue Reading
Kelly Chang Rickert

Kelly Chang Rickert (formerly Kelly Yi-Yi Chang) is the founder of the Law Offices of Kelly Chang, A Professional Law Corporation, a firm dedicated exclusively to Family Law. She has been certified by the California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization as a Family Law Specialist. She is frequently quoted in the media, and is a legal expert for Style Network, TV Guide and MTV on Mel Gibson, Tiger Woods, Britney Spears, Christie Brinkley and Madonna divorce and custody cases.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.