Going through a divorce with children is one of the most difficult things to maneuver, and is nearly next to impossible with an ex who is difficult. Here are five (5) tips
1. Get a Court Order. Stat.
Lack of clarity promotes dissension. Repeat after me. Lack of clarity promotes dissension. In a divorce or separation, what the children need more than anything is stability. There needs to be IN WRITING a parenting plan that both of you can follow. As soon as you are separating, you need to be discussing a parenting plan that you can put down on paper.
2. Be Flexible with Each Other.
Now that you have the order in writing, great – now be flexible. If someone is suppose to be there but 5 pm, but their car broke down, do not make it difficult for them. Do not make them forfeit their time. If someone got laid off and simply does not have the funds to pay you this month, do not take them to Court for contempt.
That being said, don’t be one of those people that take a mile after someone gives an inch. Don’t be perpetually late on pick ups or payment.
3. Don’t React or Overreact.
I am a hot head and I struggle with this. My husband’s motto in life is, “Do Nothing.” And it works! If you get a nasty email/text, let it go. Do not feel the need to respond to every text or email right away. The fight (much like coronavirus) dies when there is not another host to latch itself onto.
Document, document, document!! As you get older, you will have problems remembering details. Also, emotions tend to exaggerate details. Writing things down can help jog your memory in case you need it.
5. Remember you’re on the same team.
Kramer v. Kramer is STILL the KRAMER FAMILY. In fact, the courts tend to encourage this type of familial thinking by calling your case, “In Re Marriage of Kramer”, instead of Kramer v. Kramer.
Once you have children together, you are bonded for life. You are mom and dad. And you will one day be invited to your kid’s wedding, and you will both be sitting on either the BRIDE or GROOM’s side.
SAME TEAM. Remembering this will inspire you to rock co-parenting with a difficult ex.